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The Fat Lady's Guide to Disneyland
By Judith - October 13, 2001
Before you go saying " I can't possibly fit on that ride " and miss all the fun, check out the comments below. I am nearly 6 foot tall and about 360 pounds ( I think that's what 140 kilos works out to be, give or take a lump ) and if I can fit in so can you.
The rules are the same as WDW - check it out before hand, get someone to ride if necessary, don't be afraid to ask for help getting out and more
importantly, enjoy yourself whatever happens - you are in the Happiest Place on Earth.
Main Street USA:
Disneyland Railway - Try to sit facing the station, it gives you more leg room and is easier to get on and off as well as giving you a lovely view of
the Grand Canyon ... a really nice view of the Grand Canyon ... hmmm the Grand Canyon ..... oh no not the bloody Grand Canyon again. Use the Railroad enough and you hear the spiel in your sleep.
Adventureland:
Enchanted Tiki Room - Another chance to sit down and rest the weary feet and the original show is much better (and not so noisy) as the WDW one.
Indiana Jones Adventure - I love this ride. Plenty of room if you don't sit in the driving seat. There is not much time to get seated so a little hint:
if you grab the end of the retractable seat belt and pull it out before sitting down you won't waste time searching for it after you've sat on it.
Keep an eye out for the "hidden Mickey" skull in the skeleton room - I've seen it once but couldn't find it again the second time around. A second
hint is on EE days when the entry traffic is sparse don't go all the way out of the ride and re-enter - use the rope gate in the pole fence to get back
into the entry tunnel. Doing this in busy times may get you lynched.
Jungle Cruise - Exactly the same type of boat as WDW so the same rules apply. Come to think of it there is exactly the same type of jokes too.
Tarzan's Treehouse - Took one look at the stairs and sent daughter up with the camcorder. Watched it in comfort when we got home.
New Orlean's Square
Pirates of the Caribbean - Exit in Disneyland is made easier by wooden posts that you can grab hold of and pull yourself up by. The seats seem to have more leg room too - although I may have been skinnier then.
Haunted Mansion - same as WDW. The scariest part of this whole ride is the dude that helps you into the buggy. I had just got myself comfortable when this guy in a tux loomed in to test the lapbar - I nearly had a heart attack!
Critter County:
Splash Mountain - This is a flume ride so you straddle the long seat that runs lengthwise down the log. This means no leg room problems. It depends on a gravity drop so if you sit right at the back and the other person in front is a child you can actually balance over the final drop for quite some time. This works well on the bottom too - because the log is raised in front you don't get as wet on landing. However it does mean that any water on the seat will run straight into your crotch - a really good look when you get off. Having 2 fat people on the ride guarantees a really fast drop and a HUGE splash but hopefully the one in front will get the wet bum.
Frontierland:
Big Thunder Railway - about the same as WDW. The lapbar will not go past my knees so it depends on the CM as to whether or not you ride.
Golden Horseshoe Stage - A very funny magic stage show and a chance to sit and relax. They also serve the biggest slice of chocolate cake I have ever seen - neither Kate or I could finish ours so get one between 2. The chairs are a bit hairy though - they creak and groan with every move.
Fantasyland:
It's a Small World/Peter Pan's Flight/Mr Toad's Wild Ride/Snow White's Scary Adventure/Pinocchio's Daring Journey - same as WDW. Ride sidesaddle and take
up the whole seat in the dark rides.
Alice in Wonderland - You will be asked to ride in the back seat if you are big - this is because during ride the car comes down a track that snakes
along the outside of the building. It doesn't seem too secure.
Sleeping Beauty - Involves a lot of stairs inside the castle but the storybook dioramas are well done. The corridor is narrow so be prepared for
anklebiters pushing past to get to the next picture. Try to lean on them every chance you get.
Matterhorn Bobsleds - Tell the CM on boarding that you are using the whole seat. This way you get all the room you need. You may need help getting out
though as the seats are close to the ground. One of my favourite rides, I'll be the one laughing like a loon.
Casey Jr. Circus Train - Hey not just for kids. I rode in the caboose. OK I got stuck in the caboose and had a hell of a time getting out again
(daughter had to get out onto the track to help me get up) but this is one place you can hear the "I think I can.. I think I can" going up and the "I
knew I could ... I knew I could" going down the hill. Give it a try. Woo Woo!!
Storybook Canal Ride - You see everything that you see on the train but at a much slower pace. Legs got pins and needles from being shoved somewhere near my earlobes but it was fun.
Dumbo - as in WDW take that feather and fly.
Mad Hatter's Tea Party - The cups seem to bigger in Disneyland than WDW (though I may have been thinner as I said before).
Mickey's Toontown:
Roger Rabbit's Car Toon Spin - Both my daughter and I got into the seat OK. A fun ride although if you had a splitting headache from the sun/heat/kids you may want to wait until later.
Tomorrowland:
Star Tours - Same as WDW.
Space Mountain - This is the one ride I have been asked to leave. The lapbar as usual would not come over my knees but I thought everything was OK as we began to move but then I was spotted by a CM. Not just any CM - this one was definitely someone's mother. The "it's all good fun till someone loses an eye" type mother. I tried to explain that I was so wedged in that even if we went upside down I couldn't possibly fall out but to no avail. She made them uncouple the car and push it round to the maintenance track. There they got a nice little footstool for me to step out on. With much huffing and puffing I finally got my rear out the car. I shot her a look that plainly said "see I told you I was stuck". She returned one that even more plainly said "one more look like that and you can go to your room!" I was embarrassed but even more I was sorry for those poor people in the car with us that had to get out too. Practise limping in case you are ever in a situation like this - hopefully they will feel like heel for making the fat lady hurt herself getting out.
Autopia - Tiny little cars versus huge bum. Nah!
Astro Orbiter - I haven't been able to get close to this ride since they installed it - I can't judge the size of the seats from the sidelines and
Kate refuses to stand in line for an hour to test it out.
Rocket Rods - I have only sat in the back row on this but the seat was comfortable and my legs were in OK. The ride itself is disappointing in the daylight, the few times it does get up to a decent speed don't last very long at all. At night the lights and sights make up for the stop/start motion.
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